Monday, March 05, 2007
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wasn't in the mood to blog.
I had a very bad night yesterday. Things were finally sorted out. And i know one thing: I'm never getting him back, never ever. I don't have the reason to make him stay. The longer he stays, the longer he gets hurt. The longer he gets hurt, the longer i feel guilty. I don't want him to stay. But what's making me so sad? What's hurting me. Gosh... I'm so confused. I created this traps here and there, without me realising it, and he fell right into it. He said nothing will help get those knifes out of his heart; nothing seems to hurt him anymore. He meant he had no feeling by then, because i broke his heart. He knew he was in the trap all along. But he didn't mind. Yet, i set one trap after another, and again and again, he walked into the trap. Man... But all along he didn't mind. Worse comes to worse, i wasn't at all seriously touched. I treated him like i always wanted to: as a brother; someone who will love me for eternal. I don't ask for a boy/girl those kind of love. I wanted a brotherly love, you get it? I don't think you do.I cried for the whole night yesterday. I lied on the bed and cried throughout the whole night. I wasn't able to get to sleep. I tried listening to songs, so that i could drift off to sleep. But that doesn't help. I seem to cry even more. I fred that my sis will find out i was crying, so i didn't dared to make noise. I suffered that whole night, it's a living nightmare. And then... i finally fell asleep.This morning, when i woke up, my eyes were sore as ever. I didn't know it was that visible, until my friend's band senior walked past and commented that my eyes are so sore. He could even see when there's not really a strong source of light shining on my face.Argh. I felt so... undescribable. No one will understand. And i don't wish anyone will. I'm going to concentrate on my studies. To stay or to leave, it's his choice. I'm left with nothing at all now, so i don't care.All i know is... I don't have anymore reason to make him stay. All i can do, is to hide in one corner and cry; shutting myself out from the whole world, by listening to music. How pathetic. Sigh..-Should i be happy that he left? Or should i just be plain stupid, to wait for him to return my smses?I'm crying again...- - - - - -Labels: a happy occasion after a sad one ; AND VICE VERSA
♥ the world will turn WILD.
8:57 PM
